Editor’s Note: The following is the story of Christmas as told by Rob Bromley and transcribed by the Apostle Kristen Kennedy

I guess it all started with the Roman government wanting to raise taxes, 2000 plus years and not a darn thing’s changed, and well in order to do that they had to figure out just how many folks they could get to pay up. And at the time, there wasn’t even a Christmas going ya know. Back then it was just winter. It wasn’t even the year zero like most people think, it was more like negative 5 or 7. Where was I Sam? Oh yes, so you see at the time there was a census going, and back then they didn’t go door to door like the millennials do now, you had to go to them.

So me and a couple buddies hit the road back home, looking to do our part ya know, and we knew a buddy of ours from back in the college days, was expecting, and we thought, since we were headed back home we should prolly bring along something for him for when we saw the baby ya know. We all knew Joe pretty well, swell guy, and word on the street was this wasn’t some ordinary baby, this one was gonna be the bees knees gang.

I didn’t want to show up to the birth of our Lord and savior empty handed, I wasn’t Sean Moody going to a dinner party, so I brought the little guy some Frankincense, and keep in mind this was back before everyone was super into essential oils. Sure they call me a wise man now, but back then I was just a dumb kid.

So I brought the oils, the good stuff, my buddy Steve brought gold, he hit it big in the gold market back then as he was the only one who knew to look for it out west, so he had plenty, plenty enough to give away to babies he’d just met. And then Terry he brought myrrh, i tried to tell him i already had the oils covered but he’s all no no no, this is legit, this myrrh is local, not that commercial crap you got. Keep in mind, the frankensince I use is organic and wonderful, I’m just telling you what Terry was saying.

Joe and his wife didn’t mind a bit though, about the two oils, mostly because it stunk to high ceilings in that barn, and they’d take any perfume to cover up all that goat. Real strong goat smell in there. In fact we didn’t really follow stars to get there at all, we just followed that goat smell.

But the baby was everything you wanted so I’m glad we got to see him before you know it got to be a big thing. When you visit a baby you wanna get there when its chill you know? Like too many people trying to hold him and he’ll get fussy, and then you don’t even get a turn. And who wants to go visit and then tell the story and have someone ask well did you hold him? And you just gotta be like no, he was fussy and they put him down for a nap, and then we just kinda thought it would be nice if the family got some rest so we took off. Not a great story huh kids, no you get there early, hold that baby, I mean you brought the good presents its only right.

I think Terry regrets not getting them a crib though to be honest, because here the are in this barn, and they got the Lord in Savior in the manger. That’s where those goats eat that goat feed. Thats no place for the King of Kings, not on Christmas.