In case you were wondering why you were late to work this morning, UK classes have started back up again. Other than telling these kids to stop walking out into the middle of the street and to pace themselves at football tailgates so they can make it to basketball season; let’s give them some tips to help these students survive their first year in Lexington. Here’s the first nine that popped into our head.

9) Your RA isn’t as cool as you think they are. They’re an upperclassman…still living in the dorms.

8) Don’t sleep with all the girls you meet. You’ll need to know a few of them at the end of the semester that still have money on their food card.

7) Keep your shower flip flops and formal flip flops separate.

6) Make sure to checkout UK’s radio station, 88.1 WRFL. You’ll learn more about what a radio is in your Ancient History course.

5) The three main food groups, now that you’re at UK, are- Tolly Ho, Cookout and that Steak ‘n Shake below your dorm.

4) Bring something comfortable to sit on in class like a blanket or lawn chair. We can’t give President Capilouto a 48% salary increase AND have desks.

3) Put the acoustic guitar away Todd. No one wants to hear it…no one. I mean, you’re still a freshman and haven’t even tried out the good drugs yet.

2) If you’re still attending the university sponsored events in October, I am sorry to inform you, you’re a huge nerd and will probably be alone forever.

1) Look to your left, now look to your right. You see all those people working 12 hour shifts doing landscaping? They have the same degree you’re going for. Yay, Class of 2020.