The tradition of burning couches to celebrate the birth of Jesus, or the outcome of some kind of sports game, dates back to the very first Christmas.

Mary, who was pregnant with Jesus, and her very trusting husband Joseph went to Bethlehem but were denied room at the inn and so they stayed in the stable. But it was so cold that night that Joseph started a fire out of a couch the inn owner planned to sell in a yard sale that spring.

Mary gave birth to Jesus. She did not need any painkillers even though birth is usually very, very excruciatingly painful because Jesus was the son of God and, thus, basically an opiate in gooey baby form.

An angel appeared to three shepherds in a field near Bethlehem and told them the good news. “This will be a sign to you,” said the angel. “You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger next to a burning couch.”

The shepherds set off to find Jesus and knew when they saw the flickering light of the burning couch that either Jesus was indeed born or someone had scored a last second, game-upsetting three pointer.

Meanwhile, three wise men followed a star to the stable. But some biblical scholars say it wasn’t literally a star, just a burning couch. The wise men, their faces cover in blue face paint, brough the newborn lord gifts of nachos, foam fingers, and chants of “Amyrrhica!”

And now every Christmas the true blue fans of Jesus Christ burn a couch to celebrate his birth, death, resurrection, and eventual comeback Final Four appearance.