A fight at the Fayette Mall over the weekend made headlines and today two of the teens involved will appear before the Food Court facing charges of disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace and three counts of underage consumption of free bourbon chicken samples. Judge Tony Sbarro presided over the proceedings.

Before the trial began a voice came over the food court intercom to announce “the quesos are real, the pizzas are real, the rulings are final.” The two defendants were then brought out from the holding cell in that weird hallway next to Great American Cookies where they had been held over the weekend in contempt of Food Court. They were sworn in on a stack of Spencer’s gift cards and then the trial was underway.

The attorneys for both sides gave their opening statements but had to keep pausing during the hearing to take bites out of their Subway sandwiches. Throughout the trial the bailiff continually interrupted both the prosecution and the defense by to welcoming people to Moe’s.

After the evidence had been presented the judge held up the loose hide of a Build-A-Bear that one of the kids had filled with chocolate covered gummy bears. “I have never seen such gratuitous disregard for another creature’s dignity in all my years of food court.”

The teens were found guilty but were given leniency since the 30 friends that accompanied them to the mall was “the most we’ve seen in the post-summit era.” They were sentenced to two weeks of having to show up early and do laps with those weird people that walk in the mall for exercise early on weekdays.