Yesterday The Duke Of Cambridge (no relation to Analytica) bestowed the highest honor someone famous for not being a very good drummer can have as Ringo Starr was knighted at a ceremony at Buckingham Palace. Most of you probably know Ringo as the narrator of Thomas the Tank Engine, but few know that before that he was famous for being Yoko Ono’s drummer.

While the ceremony may have taken place in the other London, many Kentuckians still took note of the prestigious event as it officially moves Sir Pizza up from the bottom rung of least popular knights in the world. A scroll was delivered to the restaurant notifying Sir Pizza it had been promoted from the absolute bottom. “Hear ye, hear ye,” the printed-off email began, “The queen wishes to inform thee that you are no longer of the lowest order of knights, for another has been inducted beneath you. They shall be known from henceforth as Sir Ringo, The Applebee’s Of Beatles.”

South Broadway’s Sir Pizza manager Pete Best celebrated the pizza chain’s chivalrous ascension by letting his employees have an extra ten-minute break. “I know this means a lot to our hard working Sir Pizza family, It Don’t Come Easy.” Best added, “Put the lunches you packed away gang. That’s right, say Goodnight Vienna sausage, everyone on shift gets a large pizza with tiny pepperonis on the house.” Then he used what must have been a Speedy Rewards card to barely cut a circular pizza into small squares.