“If you think your divorce has been messy, just wait until you try the salsa beef nachos!” jokes Applebee’s server, Devin, to another nearly divorced Bluegrass couple.
With fun banter like this, it’s not hard to see why the Applebee’s on Nicholasville Rd was voted Lexington’s “Best Restaurant to Finalize Your Divorce” by Tops In Lex for the third year in a row. The favorite spot for many unhappy dates knows it’s catering to a fairly large demographic of really pissed off couples.
“These days, it’s not rare for people to get divorced,” notes shift leader Dave, “happens like 50% of the time, so if anything, it’s medium rare. But these folks still need a nice, relaxed place to have a 2-star meal and hash out the final details of their crumbling lives and we’re here to give ’em that. After all, it’s hard to be sad about stuff like losing custody of your kids when you’re neck deep in chicken wonton tacos.”
While this Applebee’s still emits that typical fog of resentment felt at every Applebee’s ever, the location on Nicholasville Road has found a way to cut through some of the misery and dread. Groundbreaking services such as splitting the check and applying her half to his first alimony payment provide a bittersweet convenience that is unmatched in the food service industry.
Former Versailles couple Marcus and Sharon Porter weighed in on their recent dining experience.
“I was a little put off at first by our waitress pushing the lighter fare options or insisting I substitute steamed broccoli for the fries,” says Marcus, “but when she explained that I’d be back out there dating again real soon, it actually made a lot of sense.”
“I wanted to finish up everything at the lawyer’s office,” snapped Sharon, “mostly because I didn’t want Applebee’s to be ruined for me. Then I quickly realized that Applebee’s was already ruined for me….because it’s Applebee’s.”
Despite their differences, the Porters did find one shred of silver lining when they worked out a settlement on the “Share 2 for $20” menu citing it as “too good a deal to pass up.”
Sharon was quick to point out, “you know, if we could’ve agreed on this much the past few years, we might not be here right now.”
“Yeah and also if you hadn’t cheated on me, Sharon.”
While no one looks forward to signing off on the papers that’ll ultimately dissolve a partnership where so much time, effort and clearing of browser history was put in, studies have shown that no one ever looks forward to going to Applebee’s either. Which makes the two, a perfect marriage.