Frankfort was chosen as the capital of Kentucky in 1792. The first 226 years had more than their fair share of ups and downs but the last few weeks have been completely exhausting. “I don’t think I can do this anymore,” said the city. “I just need a break.”

The city readily admits that if it was not the capital of the state it would be considerably smaller and even more underfunded. “But have you been to Paris lately?” it asked. “It’s beautiful, no bureaucrats in sight, and you hear all the time how people would rather drive there.”

Recent political happenings have only increased the city’s desire for change. “I’m tired of these legislators, man,” said Frankfort. “Don’t even get me started on that Bevin guy. He has a serious attitude problem. Acts like he runs the place.”

The state pension problem has proven particularly taxing. Frankfort wasn’t remotely prepared to become a popular spring break destination. “I like teachers but you try relaxing when they’re around all the time. I feel like I’m one warning away from detention.” The city says it doesn’t like being a tourist spot. “I feel like a quiet beach town that just got its first t-shirt and boogie board shop. I’m kinda over it.”

Frankfort doesn’t know which city should succeed it as the center of state politics. “Not Louisville or Lexington,” it said. “They have too much power already. That’s why they chose me in the first place.”

“Why not Waddy?” the city offered. “Waddy is perfect. It has a partner, Peytona, to help it along. Nobody should have to be a state capital alone. Two parents make a home. It would like having two stay-at-home dads. Plus, it won’t be too expensive to pick up and move since it’s not that far away. It would be even cheaper if they’d built the governor a double-wide trailer instead of a mansion like I asked them to.”

But ultimately Frankfort doesn’t care where the capital of Kentucky is as long as it’s not there.