“Maybe It’s Not Meant To Be” Says Man Who Planned To Propose During Foo Fighters Concert
Jake Groovely had planned to propose to his long-term girlfriend Anna Hucks during the inevitable encore performance of “Everlong” at the Foo Fighters concert at […]
Jim Gray Calls Family of Fallen Confederate Statue
A crowd gathered downtown yesterday as Lexington began removing confederate statues under the guise of darkness and very bright construction lights. As the powerful lights […]
UberEATS Begins Delivering Food To The Highest People In Lexington Today
Today Lexington welcomes the launch of UberEATS, the app that turns every restaurant into Jimmy Johns. No, wait, they don’t add mayonnaise to everything, or […]
Officer Don Begins Furiously Writing His Own Eminem Response Rap For CMAs
Former rapper Eminem made waves last night when he released a freestyle rap at the BET Hip Hop Awards that lashed out at President Donald […]
LexTran Rebrands As ColumBuses For The Day, Will Refer To Each Stop As “India”
Lexington’s public transit authority has announced that, in celebration of Columbus Day, that buses will be renamed Columbuses and drivers have been instructed announce proudly […]
Parents Ask Lexington Traditional Magnet School To Shift Curriculum Away From Magnets
In an uncomfortable but necessary PTA meeting last night parents of students at the Lexington Traditional Magnet School asked administrators to change the school’s landmark […]
Courtesy On Wheels Guy Tested For Type 2 Diabetes, Told To Cut Back On SWEETS
“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me,” thought Courtesy On Wheels owner and spokesperson Dan Glass. “But it turns […]
Vice Mayor Steve Kay Gives Up Search For Estranged Sister And Makeup Mogul Mary
Lexington’s current vice mayor, Steve Kay, has announced that, after years of aggressively and wildly pursuing anything that even looked like a pink Cadillac, he […]
City Celebrates The End Of All Traffic With Opening Of Newtown Pike Extension
The city of Lexington held a ribbon cutting ceremony this morning to unveil a new stretch of road that will allow drivers to stay on […]
Health Department Says “All Dogs Go To Heaven But None Can Go To This Hot Dog Store”
As our President speaks to United Nations General Assembly threatening to totally destroy North Korea, some Lexingtonians have decided they have a far greater worry […]