The Fark Encounter, set to open June 9th, should be a wonderful tourist attraction that will teach Kentucky about how internet news works; that is, if its true intention of saving humanity from its wicked, wicked self falls through. Drew Curtis asked us to join him in the deepest part of the dark web (The Chevy Chase Inn) to explain why construction on information’s first life boat was immediately necessary.
Former gubanatorial candidate, fark.com founder, Lexington native, and all around internet expert Drew Curtis, explained why he was creating a huge ark in the middle of downtown’s biggest construction site. Curtis began, “Basically a higher power instructed me to do it. I was hanging out with Al Gore, listening to some early Genesis records, and big Al instructed me to build this boat. He said it will save us all from the world’s second greatest evil, the mainstream media.”
Curtis continued speaking a lot like Keanu Reeves, but you know, if like, Keanu Reeves was a huge nerd, “In 7 days Al Gore will release a brand new, really long and boring documentary that will air on all mainstream media outlets. It will be about how evil the media is or something, I can’t really remember to be honest, his description kinda rambled on and on. But this revolutionary film will put an end to those large media conglomerates that control all of our information, just like his last documentary put an end to global warming.”
Since Curtis was put in charge of the project by Gore, he’s been preparing a list of what should go on the boat. So far he’s decided on “reliable news sources,” like ourselves, “that will help shape the future of how we receive our news. Oh and two copies of every animal meme.” He explained that he couldn’t do it all on his own, and has asked for some assistance from the Lexington community to help reshape the future of news.
Curtis explained that he is worried about getting everything done in time for Al Gore’s pending flood of information. “Look I’m saving the future, this isn’t something simple like when /u/Moses76ers parted the reddit sea”. He added that while the construction of the boat itself would be difficult, the real issues would come while recovering from the extinction level event.
“So far the only things on the boat will be my wife, you (NCC) and Sean Moody’s cat memes.” Curtis maintains that he’ll need a whole lot more than that to begin a new society, so he has decided to invite some others along. “Dude, after the flood lowers we’re going to have to repopulate all these websites, so first things first, I gotta get Mavis Beacon on there to teach the surviving population typing. So her… and Steve Zahn. Because he’s from here and he’s super awesome”.
The Fark Encounter will set sail soon after next weeks flood begins. Curtis is hoping others will join him on the encounter, tickets will go on sale tomorrow at 9am at the Centerpointe box office, and sales will continue up until the extinction level event. At press time Curtis hadn’t settled on an exact price for the tickets, but he was sure they would be “less expensive than the ones for Northern Kentucky’s Ark Encounter.”