It’s still early in the semester at the University of Kentucky, but one student in particular doesn’t seem to perceive the significance of a poor effort on a recent Physics exam. Freshman Jason Greenbeer, a Physics major, was entirely nonchalant about the 57 he received on his latest Physics 101 test, making it very clear that Greenbeer doesn’t quite understand the gravity of the situation. It’s also clear that he doesn’t understand the mass, inertia, velocity, acceleration, amplitude, thermodynamics, plasticity, or surface tension of the situation either.

“I don’t think it’s that big of a deal,” said Greenbeer. “It’s still pretty early in the semester, so there’s lots of time for me to get my grades back up, or for my mom to call the university and file a complaint against my professor. I won’t be worried until my grade drops down to an absolute zero. I feel like I’ve got a lot of momentum heading into the rest of the semester. Momentum is just force multiplied by time, and as time passes I’ll force myself to get better grades. If I know anything about momentum (editors note: he doesn’t),  the more you rest, the more of it you have, so as long as I take things slow I can turn this thing around whenever I’m ready.”

Jason’s parents want their son to succeed, so they’ve enlisted the help of a former Physics major they currently employ as their landscaper, Mo deGrasse-Tyson, twin brother of famed astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.

We reached out to Mo deGrasse Tyson for his thoughts on Jason’s situation.

“Man, c’mon Neil, help a brother out. I’m out here starving and you got your own TV show. I only work in landscaping as a metaphor to help folks understand that there is an enormous landscape of possible universes, and that in this one my brother is a real dirtbag.”

Despite his parents’ efforts, Jason Greenbeer still seems unconcerned about his circumstances.

“Right now the only Newton I’m concerned about is Cam Newton,” said Greenbeer in an interview that we were only able to conduct via a game of Madden 17 he was playing on his Twitch stream. “That dude is destroying me in this game. He totally defies the laws of physics.”