A new movement has arisen in Lexington recently as a small faction of flat earth believers have begun to assert that New Circle Road is not actually a circle but is instead a straight road.

In a frantically edited YouTube video, a self-proclaimed scientist named TruthFindingCarl69420 sitting in the front seat of his Honda Civic in the parking lot before his shift at Walmart explains, “Where’s the curve? I was just on it, stuck in traffic and looked up and saw a row of cars in front of me. There was no curve. We’ve been told the road is a circle but I’m not just going to trust what some government made map tells me.”

TruthFindingCarl69420 referred us to the president of the Not Circle Road Society, a different Youtuber named Carl, aka TruthFindingCarl696969, who sat down with us for an interview. He is planning on launching a bottle rocket across the road soon in hopes of proving once and for all that the road is straight (it remains unclear how his bottle rocket launch will prove this).

“A circle is a continuous loop,” TruthFindingCarl696969 said. “So, how would traffic back up on a continuous loop? How would I be stuck in a standstill constantly on a continuous loop?” At this point, this reporter started to understand where these people were coming from. “Sorry, there’s just no logic to support the claim that the street is round. You can’t just close off part of a circle and have it remain a circle. Huge sections are closed on it every day.”

The Not Circle Road Society isn’t disturbed by the fact that a driver can start at one end of New Circle Road and, staying on the road, wind up back where they started. “A line can imitate a circle if at each end of the line someone puts a Non-Pythagorean spatial bridge,” said TruthFindingCarl696969. We asked for a simpler explanation. “Portals.”

Things started to fall apart when TruthFindingCarl696969 began hypothesizing about how something could go from Exit 2 to Exit 19 in a matter of miles. He detailed how the lizard person parliament housed within CentrePointe was hiding secret strip malls from us in between those exits. After hearing that, this reporter lost all ability to be unbiased and bought a straight road/flat earth t-shirt and donned a tin foil hat to complete the transition.

When asked how many times a day he is on New Circle Road, TruthFindingCarl696969 said, “Oh I’ve never been on it. I live in Winchester.”