As our President speaks to United Nations General Assembly threatening to totally destroy North Korea, some Lexingtonians have decided they have a far greater worry after the city’s Health Department said people can’t bring their dogs to a new restaurant in Hamburg Pavillion.

Double Dogs Chow House, a real life dog friendly hot dog chain restaurant, opened Monday in Hamburg to a disappointed group of dog owners, when at the zero hour the Health Department declared the restaurant’s patio must remain dog free.

“I guess I don’t really understand the question here,” said confused yet perfectly reasonable Lexington-Fayette Health Department spokesman Rebecca Heathcliff. “When we first got a petition we assumed it was a petition against the idea of a restaurant that only serves hot dogs. But they wanted to bring dogs to the restaurant. I mean, it’s hot dogs but this is still a restaurant. People serve food here. Why does everyone want a bunch of strangers’ dogs begging them for bites of it? Seems like a patio dedicated to schadenfood if you ask me.”

Heathcliff pulled a copy of a health code book out as she continued, “It’s a health code violation listed under the ‘Why do we even need to write this one down’ statute: ‘No large groups of pets where food is served.’ That along with ‘trash must be held in containers,’ and other obvious things that protect you people from disease.”

A petition calling for the health department to let the dogs in had almost 800 signers by Tuesday afternoon, proving that at least 800 people here in Lexington are white people with a lot of free time and living a life without any real problems.

Dog lover and petition author Regina Muffit explained, “I just have all the time in the world, so why not devote some to this ’cause?’ I dunno is it a cause? Whatever it is, I want to make sure we can take our dogs to this patio in Hamburg, because it matters.” Muffit said the petition is just the starting point, and they’ll do whatever it takes to make sure pets can go to this hot dog store. “In Colorado they let runners poop all over their neighborhood, but here in Kentucky we’re worried about a little dog poop at a restaurant? It just doesn’t seem right. So I should probably call my state representatives about it, since I’m sure they don’t have more important things to devote their time to.”

Heathcliff assured us the health department doesn’t have anything against dogs, and thought they were just doing their duty to protect the public, but won’t stand in the way of anyone trying to change the rules as they are written. “We are listening, and the state is listening. Talk to your state reps, your council members,” she said. “I mean definitely call them about this, instead of all the other things you’ve been calling them about since January. I’d just like to see their face when you call about it.”