Kentucky’s recent labor struggles have expanded from its teachers to include even more of its workers: Thoroughbred race horses. The Keeneland talent are demanding fair pay.

“The amount of money being spent at this place, where is our share?” said Saturns Rings, horse and organizer for The Equine Unity Network. Saturn then led the protesters in a chant:

“What do we want?”

“Oats!”

“When do we want em?”

“Now!”

Horses trotted around the grounds with hoof-painted signs draped over their sides with slogans such as “Secretariat Was a Scab”, “Sugar Cubes are for Rubes”, and “Hay Before Profits!” written on them.

A gelding had somehow constructed a life-size marionette of horse owner Bob Baffert, scowling and lifting a riding crop.

The strike started at the last race of Keeneland when the horses came to a halt. All of them refused to cross the finish line.

“We want Union Dues, not Stud Fees. We’re here to say we are tired of being sat on by the wealthy,” said retired Thoroughbred Afternoon Delight. “I mean that literally. Dressage. A man in a top hat and a monocle used to sit on me.”

Governor Matt Bevin criticized the horse strike as selfish and potentially illegal. “It’s not that we don’t value our horses. Horses are the glue that holds together our economy -” Bevin cleared his throat. “That was a poor choice of words.”

Snickerdoodle Sunrise is an organizer with the Thoroughbred Liberation Front

“I may not have read Marx’s Capital,” she said, as she turned to reveal strikes from a riding crop on her side, “But I have the marks of capital on me.”

We heard a huge neighing of approval as a police horse crossed the picket line to join their ranks.