Former Vice Mayor Jim Gray has worked hard this past calendar year fighting a wide range of political enemies, ranging from racism to traffic problems, but one particular foe has appeared to be more formidable than Rand Paul: panhandlers. Gray has worked hard with Lexington’s Urban City Council to find just the right wording on an ordinance that will keep people out of the city’s streets, but it appears those in costume have found a workaround.

“The ordinance says I can’t be in the street, but it don’t say nothin’ about a robot wearing a Guy Fawkes mask,” said one costumed trick-or-treater that was clearly too old to be doing so without a group of children.

“Look I love Halloween and we all know I don’t want to ruin anyone’s good time. Remember that I was the vice mayor when this town was a lot more fun,” said Gray as he showed off and adjusted his pumpkin embroidered braided leather belt. “However, lets stick together and promise next year that we won’t give these kids candy anymore. We have funded several programs that are designed to put candy in the hands of the kids that actually need it.”

Gray explained that he believes a large portion of the trick-or-treaters we see on Halloween don’t actually even need candy, “They go begging down one street and then get right back in their stepmom’s Escalade.” He added that even those children in need of candy, can often be a danger to themselves and others, “Candy leads to diabetes, and diabetes leads to people doing a bad impression of that oatmeal guy, and that’s not what this town needs right now.”

The press conference concluded with Gray’s plan for 2018, “Next year, any trick-or-treaters still found on the street will be shuttled into a van sponsored by the city to a job training program at that gingerbread house/candy store over there off Southland. If your willing to take it you should be willing to make it.”