Whether widening or narrowing roadways or building and imploding existing structures, Lexington has started this year’s annual Downtown Summer-Long Construction Series. In what has become a staple in the pages of Lexington’s biography, it seems that construction based traffic delays have already reached Act 2 as June began with a flurry of projects.

Some say too many. “Look, we’ve got all our construction crews working on projects that are meant to disrupt traffic all summer, and through a scheduling oversight we’ve just plumb run out of cones,” exclaimed future former Mayor Jim Gray.

“I hate to do this already, but I’m asking those in Frankfort to treat us like you’d treat a turtle needin’ to get on top of a fencepost and give us a little help,” pleaded Gray at a recently delayed press conference.

Downtown Lexington is currently juggling over 87 different construction projects. Once Centrepointe was filled in, the city began searching for a new hole to fill the hole Centrepointe (City Center) left in our hearts.

The projects range in scope and in need. Just this afternoon a construction group won a bid to stand around staring upwards on the corner of Broadway and Main. While, just a few blocks away, Infinite Developers advertise that they’re still looking for crews to assist with a project that requires 4 people to eat bags of Arby’s inside of a crudely carved out hole in the middle of Upper Street. A representative said, “Show us you can wipe your forehead like you just got done doing something before this group of commuters showed up, and you could start today.”

Gray explained that all donated cones will be put to good use, preventing motorists from making timely commutes, and will help with the summer’s largest city project which involves the construction of a new housing development just for commuters that plan to be stuck on Newtown Pike for the foreseeable future.