Former Vice Mayor Jim Gray’s 2005 tax returns were dramatically unveiled last night and while most of the revelations were very underwhelming and seemed to be fairly over-hyped, one thing did stand out. The then future vice mayor spent a significant portion of his personal income following then guitar phenom John Mayer on tour all summer.

The returns, probably obtained illegally, didn’t even seem to be newsworthy to most Lexingtonians, but that didn’t stop Tops In Lex TV from broadcasting them to white people everywhere.  Media outlets were hoping maybe the returns would reveal Gray wasn’t as rich as he claimed, though they weren’t entirely sure he ever even claimed to be rich.  Many viewers were left wondering who Gray was and if we should be allowed to see his tax returns without his permission.

“I have nothing to hide in these returns,” Gray said. “John is a great guitar player and puts on one heck of a show. I can only hope to one day be half the Mayer he is,” Gray then erupted into a fit of laughter, before humming the chorus to “Daughters” over and over.

Upon further research it seems Jim Gray supplied John Mayer’s 2005 Grammy campaign tour with several healthy donations.  “John kinda let me do whatever, I got to sit on stage with him and those other dudes in the trio a few times. In Raleigh, he let me play a clarinet solo, and before you know it he started calling me his ‘Vice Mayer’ and the rest is history.”

Gray was questioned on whether or not these leaked returns would have any lasting effects on his political career, “Boys will be strong and boys soldier on but boys would be gone without warmth,” but was cut off abruptly when we realized he was just quoting that song.