The mediocre pizza buffet populace has spoken, and they’ve decided that legendary UK basketball coach Joe B. Hall will be the next mayor of GattiTown.

While exit polls at the Nicholasville Road location of GattiTown mostly showed that diners regretted their decision to eat at GattiTown, they were also a strong indicator that Coach Hall would win the election easily over his opponent, Dan Glass of Courtesy On Wheels. Glass, who ran as a member of the Sweeet! Tea Party, built his platform around removing all Pepsi products and continually reminding everyone of his campaign’s slogan “Make Dessert Pizza Sweeet! Again.”

As mayor of GattiTown, Joe B. Hall will get to enjoy several perks and privileges. Free pizza for life seems like it would be the biggest bonus, but the best benefit of being mayor is the unlimited access to Air Hockey One, the plane that escorts the Commander In Cheese of GattiTown around the skies of Lexington.

Coach Hall plans to get to work as soon as possible. He hopes to fast-track development on Centre Ball Pit, which has become a bit of an eyesore in downtown GattiTown. Hall also wants to finalize a budget fairly quickly, but it all depends on how many coins are close to falling off the edge on that one game machine.

“I want to be a mayor who can reach across the aisle,” said Coach Hall, “and grab those unfinished breadsticks from that empty table.”

Most experts feel confident that the election results are accurate, but there is a vocal minority who think that voter fraud may have taken place.

“They weren’t even asking to see people’s GattiTown Game Card at the polls,” complained Reginald Rowland, president of the GattiTown NRA and extremely vocal Dan Glass supporter. “Also, I don’t think they even counted the votes, they just weighed them on that machine in the gift shop.”