In order to stop hemorrhaging money Johnny Depp, once the world’s highest paid actor, has been selling off his assets as quickly as possible. The man who once portrayed Edward Scissorhands is having to deal with cutting losses instead of hedges. Now, Captain Jack Sparrow is having to plug holes on the sinking ship that is his bank account, which led to Depp unsuccessfully attempting to put his horse farm on Versailles road up for auction.

“Here’s the thing, if you’re trying to stop losing money the last thing you’d wanna sell is a horse farm,” said champion horse breeder Raoul Duke. “I guess I can see how he lost it all if can’t make money growin’ horses here in Kentucky.”

Depp’s personal financial manager Glen Lantz disagrees, “Look my client has come up against some hard times, and we’re not sure how many more times we can make a Pirates of The Caribbean movie. I think his character has hit all the islands down there at this point.”

“More like Johnny Debt,” snickered Tom Hanson, a nearby auction-watcher who would never be able to afford a horse farm of any sort but still enjoyed watching the sale of the farm fail. “Disney prints their own money basically, so if you’re the star of a Disney movie based on my favorite ride from Disneyworld and you’re still having to sell off assets, well, that’s the only type of person I could see struggling to make money off a horse farm in the horse capitol of the world.”

Before Hanson left, he looked over each shoulder and said in a hushed tone, “I’ll be honest, when I showed up here I wasn’t even expecting it to be a horse farm. From looking at all pictures of this Depp fellow in US Weekly , I assumed this guy had figured out how to grow scarves and leather bracelets, this whole horse thing is kind of a let down to be honest.”