The Commonwealth of Kentucky celebrated it’s 225 birthday yesterday and, in what has become a twenty-first century tradition, Kentucky spent the morning after it’s birthday scrolling through Facebook notifications, seeing all of the ‘Happy Birthday’ posts from friends, casual acquintances and accounts they’d accepted a friend request from after not being able to decide if it was someone they’d gone to high school with or a sex-bot of some sort.

The blanket statement post included mainly vague language, not thanking anyone in particular, saying, “thanks for all the birthday well wishes. It’s great to feel loved. I’m looking forward to making 226 the best year yet!”

“I really appreciated all of the posts and everything but it would’ve just taken too much time to write ‘thank you’ as a reply to every post, I have other stuff to do,” Kentucky said. “Plus, I’m pretty sure most of those people only commented because they got that annoying facebook notification telling them it was my birthday, Ohio didn’t post until like 11:25pm, but I’m still thankful. Everything I said in that post was truthful.”

“I went to the trouble of creating a really funny birthday meme and everything,” complained Georgia. “I spent time making that, definitely more time than it would’ve taken to just toss a ‘haha thanks,’ my way in the comments.”

“Are you kidding me? Georgia didn’t even tag me in the post,” retorted Kentucky. “How was I supposed to see it? And Tennessee, thanks for raising a glass of bourbon in ‘my honor,’ we all know that post was more about you than about me. Sure, Indiana can respond to every ‘Happy Birthday’ individually, because they only get posts from like 10 people, kinda sad but whatever.”