Major software upgrades are an often dreaded but ultimately vital requirement for any piece of computer equipment, and the brass at LEX 18 are finding that out the hard way, as they struggle to adjust after upgrading Tom Ackerman’s operating system to the new and improved iOS10.
“It’s definitely going to take some getting used to,” said Dia Davidson, “but we’ll eventually get the hang of it. We actually weren’t even planning on upgrading him until they worked all the kinks out, but it just downloaded automatically over the weekend after an off the clock Steve Butera left Tom on the charger overnight.”
The last time Ackerman’s software was upgraded automatically, the meteorologist lost all of his contacts, forcing him to wear glasses for an entire week.
“I think the updates just slow him down,” said a skeptical Kevin Christopher. “No matter how many times we update Tom, the guy still can’t make a phone call to save his life. And for some reason he continues to carry around that dumb U2 album from a couple of years ago.”
Several LEX 18 employees share Kevin Christopher’s belief that the upgrade only makes Ackerman slower.
“I think they just made us download the new software so we’ll eventually have to buy an Ackerman 7,” said Conroy Delouche. “There was nothing wrong with the Ackerman 5S we’ve been using, but after all these ‘upgrades’ he’s just been so slow. He just now got around to reporting on Hurricane Matthew yesterday.”
Other LEX 18 staffers hope the update does force their bosses to make the switch to an Ackerman 7.
“This Ackerman doesn’t even have Touch ID,” complained Nancy Cox, “but that hasn’t stopped Lee Cruse from constantly putting his thumb in Tom’s ear.”
The news team has had trouble acclimating to Ackerman’s new programs all week.
“I’ve been kicked out of two meetings this week because Tom kept ringing when I thought I had him set to vibrate,” said Chris Goodman. “It’s extremely embarrassing.”
Ackerman’s superior at LEX 18, Bill Meck, protested the upgrade for entirely different reasons.
“I don’t trust all this new technology, man,” Meck told us. “It’s crazy, dude. Artificial Intelligence is becoming too powerful. Sure, right now Ackerman’s software only allows him to predict the weather and fake a smile when the Lexington Humane Society brings those puppies in, but I’m worried that one day he’s gonna become sentient, and that’s the day when no Chief Meteorologist is safe.”
The latest upgrade has left many longing for the days of former Ackerman technology.
“I still say the best Ackerman we ever had was the Ackerman Razr,” Alan Cutler told us between Hot Yoga poses. “It was so versatile. Tom didn’t have to have some expensive suit tailored by Otter Box like he does now, and when we were done with him we just folded him in half.”