Lexington’s public transit authority has announced that, in celebration of Columbus Day, that buses will be renamed Columbuses and drivers have been instructed announce proudly at each stop, “Here we are in India, anyone who thinks we are in Lexington is wrong!”

Drivers have also been encouraged to then speak at length as passengers get on and off the bus about how he or she, driver of the bus, discovered this bus stop and should be celebrated for their discovery even though they keep referring to the Locust Hill at Man-O-War Center stop as “India.”

LexTran Director Tony Ferdinand explained, “Hopefully, if nothing else, this practice will open up a dialogue on what we as a country allow our banks to call holidays. Like we need to really think about what we let the people who hold on to our money for us celebrate.“

Ferdinand was also quick to point out, “I don’t know why everyone keeps blaming us for smallpox. Our buses are clean. Maybe some people have never ridden the bus before but anyone looking to try it out today, I’ll give you this advice. Riding the bus is a lot like Columbus’ first voyage from Europe. you’re not gonna end up where you want to go, and it will take longer than necessary.”