TOPS In Lexington magazine is a staple of Lexington culture, known for its formulaic pictures of extremely white people and its hundreds of pages of local advertisements. Those are really the only two things the magazine does well. Which is why we were surprised to find a Lexington man who claims he actually enjoys TOPS In Lex for the articles.

Speaking anonymously from whatever fancy bourbon event TOPS was photographing last week, a man we’ll call Kyle, or Seth, or some other white guy name, assured us that he only reads the publication for its in-depth journalism.

“There’s some really good writing in there,” said Eric, or Cody, or Dustin. “Take July’s issue for example. If you haven’t seen it, it’s the one with the white lady on the cover. But anyway, it had this really good article about Mickey’s beer of the month.”

While the issue that Luke, or Scott, or Logan is talking about does indeed feature a two page spread dedicated to some old white guy named Mickey’s beer and wine of the month, it also includes a two page spread of photos from something literally called “The White Party.”  (Seriously. If you don’t believe us, click this and go to page 44.)

Despite Garrett, or Brett, or Dylan’s insistence that he genuinely likes the literature that TOPS offers, his friends aren’t so sure.

“Nah, there’s no way he’s reading the articles. Everybody knows TOPS In Lex is just smut for white people to look at when they finish grocery shopping,” said Tanner, or Connor, or Cole.