Within the span of two days, a second potential challenger to Mitch McConnell has found themselves unable to go over the air.

With a congressional impeachment currently ongoing there isn’t really much for the leader of the Senate to do right now, but Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has found a new way to fill his time. He’s finally found time for one of his favorite activities, complaining about other people.

“I’m a rich white man, so it is in my blood to want to complain and wag my finger at others while paying no attention to my own words and the hypocrisy I create,” McConnell said via a staffer even though we were standing right there and could hear McConnell tell the staffer to tell us that.

“My hands are pretty tied right now, which is why I have this twerp taking dictation,” said McConnell via an aide with a doctorate in game theory from M.I.T.

“I mean, would you find it fair?” asked one of McConnell’s staffers who told us his name but he was so boring we forgot to write it down. “Would you find it fair that one candidate can zip through the clouds, land and walk around in aviator sunglasses while the other candidate’s face is too flat to support anything other than these paper-thin clear John Lennon glasses?”

McConnell continued, “this is just doing what’s fair. For instance, would it be fair for Superman to fight another superhero and use his power of flight when his opponent, say an out of shape, octogenarian ninja turtle, wasn’t allowed to fly?”

“How about we Free Mitch McConnell ever think of that?!” asked McConnell as he continued to follow us to the cafeteria even though he said he didn’t care about us.

“I think that’s exactly what we’re trying to do sir,” said Jones, McGrath, and Adkins before continuing to eat their chicken wings with alleged Governor Andy Beshear.