New Lexington Police Chief Lawrence Weathers was sworn in Sunday night at the city’s most boring Oscar party. He said his focus would be on community policing, which includes reaching out to the city’s superhero community.

The outreach program’s top priority is Catsman, the infamous Dark Wildcat of Lexington, who patrols the city streets fighting crime and bad sportsmen. Chief Weathers says previous efforts to catch Catsman were both misguided and poorly managed. “He’s so big and blue he blends in on game nights. Plus no jail cell can contain him once his March Madness kicks in.”

However, although Catsman is clearly the most popular just because of how awesome he is, the other superheroes based in Lexington have not been forgotten. “We’re going to work with them all,” said Chief Weathers, “especially Jill Szwed Weatherwoman. I have a personal connection to the weather.”

Other heroes the chief mentioned that he was interested in establishing diplomatic relations with include Silverhaired Internet Surfer, Officer Don and Green Lantern, that hipster who hangs out at that bar and fights crime with cigarettes and a pool cue.

“I believe in law and order,” continued the chief. “But we have some criminal threats in this city that the traditional police force is just not equipped to contain.” He listed several supervillains who routinely harass Lexington such as Mysterio Laneclosureo, Dr. Harley Quinn Aromatherapy Woman, and, of course, the single greatest threat to the welfare of the city, Dr. Spectrum, who has the power to throttle both the internet and our necks.

But the first step to better relations with the superhero community is bringing in the greatest hero of all, Catsman.

“For too long he has been forced to remain in the shadows,” said chief Weathers. “In the past, he has been hard to find, like a parking spot at the new Marikkas. But now I think he just might come to us.”

Then the chief pulled the tarp off the Catsignal, a high-powered spotlight that has just been installed on the temporary roof of CentrePointe. He demonstrated the power of the beam with a flick of a switch. The night sky was lit with the emblem of the Dark Wildcat’s head.

“Because this is the Gyro Lexington deserves,” said the guy working the Athenian Grill food truck that was parked outside of the Police Chief’s swearing-in ceremony.

A furry shadow whipped past us and raced up the side of CentrePointe faster than the city of Lexington regretted agreeing to build it.