Yesterday, Republicans unveiled their 142 page bill designed to finally defeat Obamacare and overhaul the American health care system. The bill had been scrutinized even before its unveiling as it was written in secrecy, and detractors were worried the bill wasn’t written behind closed doors for romantic Charlie Rich type reasons, but rather standard politician rich get richer reasons.

Since the bill’s big reveal, Democrats and Republicans alike have been climbing over one another to speak out against the new bill, however only one Kentucky politician is claiming to have their own practical solution to America’s current healthcare dilemma.

“When I fix a problem, I fix it permanently, and that’s why everyone calls me The Perm,” claimed senator Rand Paul as he stood cooly behind a podium patting and shaping his hair.

“Some slick politicians may try and brush aside the problems this nation’s healthcare faces with some sort of shiny switchblade comb. However, what we really need is some time for my solution to set in. At the very least avoid washing it for 24-48 hours,” the Senator explained as he continued his press conference from his favorite Capitol Hill salon.

The senator claimed he wasn’t opposed to crossing party lines to help with his solution, “In the end, maybe we don’t need to repeal Obamacare at all, we need to re-condition it if we’re really going to do this thing right. If you’re worried about coverage, don’t be, my plan also increases volume. Then, we’ll rinse and repeat of course.”