Tensions have been running high on West Short Street this week after staff members of The Village Idiot learned that their secret burger recipe had possibly been compromised. The popular downtown spot, known for being Lexington’s first gastropub (which we’re sure is exciting if you know what a gastropub is), was alerted of the breach by their server, Kimberly Rodman earlier in this week. Rodman, who had foolishly taken the recipe home, had the classified ingredients on her personal computer with plans to try and recreate, in her own kitchen, her employers all-too-perfectly named burger, “The Idiot.”
Village Idiot ownership has reason to believe the hackers are working for the local Chinese restaurant, Shanghai Bistro. With Lexington’s major food competition, ‘Burger Week’, starting on Monday, it’s no secret that Shanghai Bistro has been trying to find a way to redeem themselves from last year’s poor showing. While the Bistro wasn’t necessarily expected to win last year’s inaugural event, no one could have predicted the backlash they received from the abomination that was their Crab Rangoon burger. Management and staff blamed the failure on a lack of experience making burgers on a grill. “Everyone knows,” said Shanghai Bistro cook Johnny Yang, “that we Moo Goo Gai Pan fry everything here, baby.”
News of Kimberly Rodman’s extremely careless actions have already reached other restaurant owners who plan to compete in ‘Burger Week’, and many are not happy. Some, including Lexington favorite Red State BBQ, have called for The Village Idiot to bow out of the competition.
“How can we let the Village Idiot be in the running to win the highest honor in the Lexington land if they can’t be trusted with their own classified information?” asked Red State BBQ manager Billy Shane Cyrus. “Don’t they realize the damage a Chinese restaurant could do with that kind of information coupled with their low overhead and large clintele? We wouldn’t stand a chance. Their consumer base is huge.”
Fox 56 anchor Bill Bryant has been particularly critical of the Village Idiot and also the head of ‘Burger Week’s’ competition committee, Ruth Burger Ginsberg since news of the scandal broke. “Not only are we ignoring a blatant disregard for top secret information,” argued Bryant, “but we’re also ignoring a very important precedent set last year. When General Tso from Panda Express got caught leaking classified information last year, he was immediately fined and suspended from the burger competition for two years, right? Guess Tso should’ve done what that crooked Kimberly Rodman did. Seems having your husband, Willy Rodman, go and sweet talk the head of the competition committee at Cinnabon inside the Bluegrass Airport was clearly the smart move. There’s sticky buns all over the Rodman’s fingers with this.”
With the decision coming down this morning to not fire Rodman for her reckless behavior, many find themselves torn on the issue. While some staff members are happy she’s staying with the company, others feel like this is “classic Kimberly.”
“Yeah, she tries to make everyone believe she’s a good girl and smart and all that,” explains Village Idiot cook John Short, “but she does whatever she wants and tells people what they wanna hear. Like, one minute she acts like she knows all about hardcore punk bands like most of the cooks and then the next she’s acting like she’s never heard of Fugazi. Then flops and says she does know Fugazi and has even seen them in concert. But after further discussion, turns out she saw Fauxgazi, who are just a Fugazi cover-up band.”