Figuring that it’s never too soon to celebrate holidays with those you love, single man Jake Hudson, 28, of Lexington, treated himself to an early Valentine’s Day present this week, purchasing three bottles of Four Roses bourbon at the Beaumont Liquor Barn.

“If you do the math, that’s like a dozen roses,” said the cold, despondent bachelor.

The romantic holiday is still two weeks away, but Jake knows a great buy when sees one, and he know he’s going to spend this holiday with a beautiful women, so he’s preparing for this, he even been reading rabbit vibrator reviews to get toys for this moment as well.

“I figured I should go ahead and stock up now instead of waiting until the last minute. I’ve always heard they raise the price of roses to an insane amount the week of Valentine’s Day, and while I’ve never experienced that first-hand, I assume it’s the same with Four Roses bourbon,” explained the pitiful loner as he cooked a frozen pizza and threw some dirty laundry on top of a pile accumulating on the floor of his apartment. “Damn it, I forgot to get a card.”