It was announced earlier this week that the city of Lexington would receive both a $14 million grant and proof the federal government has the ability to overspend on anything; even a bike path. While tax payers are normally divided on how their hard-earned tax dollars are spent, upon learning the multi-million dollar project would get anywhere from 3-7 cyclists off the road, citizens immediately rallied around the plans.

Former Vice Mayor Jim Gray thanked many in Kentucky leadership for working together to get the funding for this critical project. Mitch McConnell and Andy Barr even crossed party lines to get the job done and meet the Lexingtonian’s demands to get these bicyclists out of our way. “We fought hard to win this grant,” said Gray. “We put aside our political differences and came together so the people of Kentucky could enjoy nature, which is very expensive to do. And to all the poor people out there, don’t worry. We haven’t forgot about you. We just really needed this super rad $14 million bike trail first. Hang in there.”

Lexington officials are very excited about combining two unused bike trails to make one really long, REALLY expensive bike trail that no one will use either. Still, many stand to benefit from the project but none more than Town Branch, who’ll be receiving a generous $14 million bourbon ad from tax payers. With all this buzz and excitement, other companies are looking to capitalize as well. Winchester city officials confirm they’ve already been petitioned by Ale-8-One ad executives with plans for opening an “Ale-Lazy River” for Summer 2017.