Taking no one by surprise, Governor Bevin continued his campaign to villainize school teachers. “It’s a well-known fact of life that public school teachers are some of our highest paid, most greedy citizens,” said the former factory owner turned politician. “I mean teachers are even richer than butlers these days.”

The governor continued in a radio rant that he must have thought was only broadcast in an alternate dimension, “There’s nothing more Unamerican than people being educated.”

To prove his point the governor took a tour of a nearby public school. His dissatisfaction wasn’t just with teachers but with students as well.

“Must be nice to be chauffeured around all day,” said Bevin, riding the school bus. “They even have an attendant. Excuse me! Garcon!” He snapped his fingers at the bus monitor. “Do you have a copy of the Wall Street Journal? Or perhaps a Maxim?”

Once at the school, Bevin began roaming the halls. He seemed to be in a fever state, wiping the sweat off his neck and face using 50 dollar bills as handkerchiefs. He was startled by what he saw in the computer lab. “What is this enigma machine?” he said as he ran his hands over the monitor of a 1998 model Dell Desktop. “Are we trying to split the atom again?” A student near him tried to focuse on their computer coding class while using a keyboard missing both ‘Shift’ keys.

At lunchtime the governor yelled, “Enjoy your free lunch!” and pointed out a 14-year-old student in the discount lunch program. “Enjoy that chicken pattie the taxpayers paid for! Kid probably wants to be a teacher when he grows up.”

In the teachers’ break room he took a yogurt cup out of the fridge calling it a “decadent pleasure chalice” as he examined the label. “Greek? Planning your summer vacation?” he asked a teacher who hopes they can get a weekend off at Amazon this summer to go to Kings Island.

By 3 pm Bevin was in the Principals office asking them if they needed a bell guy and passing them his company’s card.

The governor finished the day by announcing over the monitor that he would be in the parking lot after school if any of the teachers were trying to start something.