Sun Tzu once said “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting,” but Sun Tzu was never involved in anything as cut throat as the world of Lexington traffic reporting. Earlier this week, Traffic Guy Brad turned his garage into a construction zone and emerged holding the most sophisticated piece of machinery available to LEX18 employees outside of Bill Meck’s doppler radar (which anyone can look at, but no one can touch). The homemade, remote control drone originated as an advanced device in Traffic Guy Brad’s arsenal to tell people when traffic happens on the 1’s, but after a heated back and forth on Twitter with rival Officer Don, Brad decided he needed to take his “traffic game” to a whole new level. So, he spent two nights designing schematics for and producing a battle drone designed to launch an all out aerial attack on Officer Don’s traffic copter.

“Traffic Guy Bradley doesn’t have what it takes to hang with the big dogs in the sky,” Officer Don said. “It’s nothing against him, not everyone is blessed with the gift of flight.”

Traffic Guy Brad responded, saying “I’ve had it with those chopper guys always trying to make us ground based traffic guys feel bad. When this drone gets up there, it’s gonna fire. And I’m hoping he’s gonna feel terror like when Coach Stoops takes callers on his radio show. The fire from the flame thrower I attached will be headed inbound into his chopper and will cause an injury collision.”

As of press time the drone had taken off from near the Airport and Aviation Museum. A visibly angry Brad sat stewing as he waited for Officer Don to come within remote control range.

Our own Officer Donna said she would refuse to engage in the violence and instead will rise above, literally, she has purchased a weather zepplin that is capable of teetering on the edge of space. Follow her for traffic updates from an air ship that is too high up for her to be able to make out cars.