Walter Anderson was a janitor at Transylvania University before some of the staff and students took notice of his habits. “Someone saw me doing sudoku on my lunch break.” says Anderson. ”To be honest I just like to doodle in the boxes sometimes. They thought it was some kind of advanced physic symbols.” After that, word of the potentially brilliant janitor began to spread around campus.
“I walked in on him cleaning the mirrors in the bathroom one day. He was wiping the mirrors down but they were covered in shapes and symbols and writing,” said Dean of Students Madison Prince. “I asked him what it was. He said it was some ‘Improper Fractions.’ His words not mine. I’ve seen enough movies to know that when someone is writing math equations or improper fractions on mirrors or windows with markers, they’re brilliant.”
Walter recalled that same meeting, “I actually said ‘Improper Actions.’ Because the kids had drawn some boobs on the mirror. These kids are godless.”
After that, University administrators decided to put Anderson’s newly realized talents to work in the classroom where he quickly won his way over with the students.
“I gave them all A’s on the first test. They looked like they were really trying. One of them noticed all their answers were different and asked me how they could all still pass. I told them that sometimes different solutions can come from the same problem. They all stared at me like I’d said something profound. One of them started crying and ran out the room.”
Transylvania Senior Corey Reese says she was onto him before the administration. “I knew he was hiding something when I noticed a book in his back pocket. Turns out it was a Jack Reacher novel, Killing Floor by Lee Childs. I asked him if he’d seen the movie and he said he thought the book was better.”
Not everyone’s been enthusiastic about Anderson’s new position. Tenured Mathematics Professor Preston Churchill has vowed to oust the former janitor. He’s even planned a croquet match for them to prove his superiority in planned geometry. “There’s something I can’t stand about that man!” Churchill said after falling to the ground by a “Wet Floor” sign next to where he’d been spying on Peterson’s class room. Inside, Walter was giving his lesson. “Physics is a lot like a mop”, he said before equating thermodynamics to cleaning up a dorm after a frat mixer, “Chaos increases constantly.”
For now he is comfortable in his new role but not without a complaint. “They still haven’t given me a raise. I may not be a real math professor but I can add that up.”