State and Elizabeth Street residents watched tearfully as their year old porch furniture was hauled off to the dump yesterday by police. Lexington officials claim they were simply hoping to keep the area as safe as possible for the residents, and anyone else who rode there with Chad. However, by doing so, many students were worried they wouldn’t be able to afford to participate in the yearly mating ritual of couch burning.

“Dude, it’s like the only reason I live down here. You think I like watching dudes throw a football with their shirt off in the street all year long? You put up with all that, for that sweet, sweet chance of setting a couch on fire.  That’s a chance every blue-blooded Kentuckian should have,” said a different guy we interviewed from there who was also named Chad.

While the mood on State Street was bleak this morning, these desperate residents may now have some hope after all, as Value City Furniture has been throwing around the idea of selling kerosene soaked couches to responsible students.

Furniture dealer Chase Loünge explained the store would have to be careful with who they sold the product to, “I don’t think we should sell them to everyone, just people we know we can trust to not ruin it for everyone. So we’re still trying to work all that out.”

Although they were going to be selective in who might get the couches, there would be no shortage on selection, “the kerosene soaked model will come in full sofa, love seat and sectional.”

At press time a price point for the couches still had not been set, but earlier Loünge had promised, “It’ll be cheaper than what they spend on books, for sure.”